Under the Moon in May

This poem is based on a real, recent experience that is still fresh in my mind, and strongly reflects the way I see my life currently. As a teenager, weeks away from graduation, everything feels like it is moving too fast, and suddenly there are choices springing up everywhere that once made will determine the course of my future. Sometimes, when I take a step back from it all, I just see myself as a tiny speck in the universe and it is a wonder that my troubles seem so grand. Just as in this poem, I know I am not the only one going through this.

Remember, in May?
There was that one day
It was smiles as usual
And you were walking me home
It was chilly
And under the subtle glow of the moon
That hung dreamily in the sky
Your voice got quieter
And that conversation began.






Not ready, you said about life
There was the trace of a smile
But it wasn't quite right
And that's when I knew
The direction
In which this had taken flight.
"Me neither," I said
But you weren't done
You said, "Fast, too fast."
And then you abruptly asked me
If I knew
Just how big our universe was.

I didn't know, of course
"Does it even end?"
You gasped along with me
At the endless non-answers
And trotting along that frosty path
We went on, and discussed
The moon, planets and stars
Until I finally told you
That talking about space
Only made me sad.

I learned on that day
That it made you sad too
And we did that thing
That young people do
We laughed, facing forward
As the tears scratched at our eyes
And when we paused at a red light
You let out a sigh.

"It just feels so rushed,"
You suddenly said
And muttered, "Not ready."
Again, under your breath.
I knew what it was
But there were no words
To tell you how sorry I was
That not everything works.
Especially then
When I didn't fully believe
In what you were chasing
In what you aspired to be.

It flashed through my mind
The first day that we met
It flashed fast, and almost as hot
As the anger I had initially felt
Back when you rubbed me
In all the wrong ways
Back when I never saw
The possibility
Of this frosty day.
Back when we were,
Though we did not know
Free, in a way
To make careless mistakes
And be fools, backed up
By our very young age.
Then, four years later
This freedom had flowed
And all too fast
Our future had grown.

Weeks, maybe days
To make all the choices
That hovered before us
And unlike those years
When someone would show us
Now it was us, standing alone
No room for mistakes
And far too many seeds to sow.

We wanted to scream
"Don't do this to us!"
We wanted to pound
With our knuckles, held tight
To break into flight
Our steps soaring high
Where perhaps we would see
Just where it was
We were meant to be.
But it was a hushed night
Too cold for the crickets
And we hurried along
Watched by the stars.

Close now, and the talking had stopped
Each lost in our minds
And I thought to myself
In this endless world
Is someone, somewhere
Light-years away
Walking along in the dark night as well
And wondering if they
Are alone
To think to themselves
About impatient life
And I wondered if they
Had it all figured out.
If they did,
Could they show me?
Send me a sign?
Because walking with you
That one day in May
I was merely a piece on my own
And my place in the world
Was as cloudy to me
As the moon in the sky.